To the Point of Tears
by Queen Isolde
Summary: [Discontinued] CH. 4! It was the hardest goodbye she ever had to make, and even then she couldn't run from her problems. Now, one mistake may lead to her death. From Ginny's POV following HBP. HarryGinny. Spoilers.
1. Bittersweet

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of its characters.

Author's Note: Yeah, Harry said that Ginny looked like she understood - who said men knew everything that went on in a woman's head? Anyway, my take on her feelings as Harry pulls a Spiderman 2 scene at the end of Half-Blood Prince. Also, you know that I didn't write the parts taken from the scene between Harry and Ginny that were already in the book - though I may have tweaked/added some things in.

* * *

The man's words about Dumbledore did not do him justice - no one could express how much he had done for this school. Harry knew that most of all. Oddly though I felt like the world had come to a stop - never I had dreamed Dumbledore would be killed - I had stopped crying. 

I hadn't cried since Harry told us all what happened - though I think some part of me knew when I saw Snape and Malfoy escaping. We didn't do anything! I tried not to blame myself...but we could have stopped him - we could have done so much more.

We _could_ have.

I didn't even flinch when I saw flames shooting out of the white tomb that Dumbledore lay on, several people screamed - but the sound was dulling in my ears. Out of the smoke in the commotion I could have sworn I saw a flash of bright red - the color of Fawkes, the phoenix, shoot out into the sky in a flash. I remembered the creature from so long ago...four years, Fawkes had saved Harry that night in the Chamber.

Had Dumbledore been reborn into a phoenix? Phoenixes were immortal...I wished hard then that that was what had happened.

A few moments later arrows soared into the air in an arc but landed short of where we were sitting. Again, the screams sounded from around me, but I watched it all in a sort of slow motion. It was a salute. I knew it - but from who?

I looked around...something seemed to have changed in the forests in front of s, but I ignored it. Everyone around me was either weeping because they knew Dumbledore so well, or terrified because they knew how powerful Dumbledore had been. I was the latter. I knew Dumbledore had been like a father to Harry when he was at Hogwarts, and the cold pain in Harry's eyes I saw that day betrayed his calm silence.

Glancing at Ron I recognized his expression immediately. One he wore when he wanted to look as if he was bothered - but I knew it was a desperate attempt to keep his tears at bay. Ron would cry for Dumbledore - when no one was looking. That's how my brother was all his life. Then I looked at Hermione, she'd become a sister to me the past three years. It pained me to see the tears rolling down her cheeks silently as she kept her gaze locked on the white tomb. Her hand was clutching Ron's for support.

Opposites attracted. I smiled to myself. They would make a wonderful couple someday, when they would stop fighting, that is. I would be happy for them when they finally realized what I had seen in my first year at Hogwarts: that Ron and Hermione loved each other.

Then a familiar sadness settled over me, one that I had realized the night Dumbledore had died. Harry met my gaze then. I didn't shed a tear, shy away, or even try to escape his piercing green eyes.

Understanding hit both of us then. I hadn't wanted to accept it. All I wanted to do was fall into his arms and bury the problems that I knew we both faced. But I couldn't hide. I couldn't run from my problems, and he couldn't run from his. I wouldn't stand in his way, I wouldn't tell him to "Be careful" or "Don't risk your life like that" - because that would be admitting he was in real danger. I wasn't mature enough to face that yet.

After the funeral began to break up, people began talking about Dumbledore, reminiscing of all he had done. Harry took my hand and met my gaze even steadier than before. I wasn't ready for what he was going to say - but I knew what I had gotten myself into when I first kissed him, when I said I'd be his girlfriend.

He was Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. And, now, I knew, the only person that could destroy Lord Voldemort. That only meant one thing.

"Ginny, listen..." Harry began quietly. Conversation picked up around us - I could tell this was hurting him. But I had prepared myself, and my heart, to accept what I knew he was going to say. "I can't be involved with you anymore. We've got to stop seeing each other. We can't be together."

I knew saying those words were wounding him deeper than any jinx or curse. But my tears remained unshed as I said, "It's okay, Harry, I understand." Saying those words made me realize then just how hard it must be for him to say them.

He looked at me, his eyes more serious and hurt at the same time than I had ever seen them. He couldn't hide from me, and he knew that. "Do you?" He asked softly.

A smile found its way across my lips, slowly and surely. "It's for some stupid, noble reason, isn't it?" Boy, did I ever know. I knew why we couldn't be together - I think I even knew it that day after the Quidditch Match when I kissed him back - a day that seemed so far off from where we were then, sitting there trying to deny what was coming.

"It's been like...like something out of someone else's life, these last few weeks with you," he said. And it's been like walking on air and feeling butterflies when I'm with you I said to myself. "But I can't...we can't...I've got things to do alone now."

If he had to face this truth, and do it alone, I wouldn't make him feel worse by crying then. I simply looked at him, understanding him.

Then his face hardened slightly - I don't think he believed my silence. "Voldemort uses people his enemies are close to. He's already used you as bait once, and that was just because you're my best friend's sister." I winced inwardly at those words, remembering the Chamber for a moment, and the Department of Mysteries. I met his gaze again, "Think how much danger you'll be in if we keep this up. He'll know, he'll find out. He'll try and get to me through you."

How could I let him battle this alone? I wouldn't abandon him!

"What if I don't care?" I countered somewhat heatedly, though even as I said the words I knew what he meant: that he only wanted to protect me.

"I care," he said. "How do you think I'd feel if this was your funeral...and it was my fault..."

The words cut into my heart. I didn't even want to think what would happen if Voldemort knew Harry was with me. I looked away, and across the lake. Had it only been a few weeks since we had spent those afternoons together, in each other's arms, just enjoying the lake?

"I never really gave up on you," I said, my words weak. "Not really. I always hoped...Hermione told me to get on with my life, maybe go out with some other people, relax a bit around you." How many times had I thought there was no hope? And now the past few weeks had proved my emotions (for over six years) wrong? If I was going to have to say goodbye I wanted Harry to know how much he meant to me. "I never used to be able to talk if you were in the room, remember?" How many times had I wished I'd been able to find words to at least ask him how he was all those times? "And she thought you might take a bit more notice if I was a bit more - myself." I finished.

"Smart girl, that Hermione," he said, attempting to smile. I looked back at him, and managed a weak smile. "I just wish I'd asked you sooner. We could have had ages...months...years maybe..."

If he kept reminding me of how much we had missed out together I knew I would buckle under my swirling emotions. "Please don't think about how much time we wasted...I'm just happy that I got to be with you," I said.

Harry smiled, I could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke. "And so am I. Even if it was for a short time." I winced inwardly again at his words.

"But you were too busy saving the Wizarding world," I said, half laughing - a fake laugh that I had finally been able to manage. It didn't make me feel any stronger. "Well...I can't say that I'm surprised." My words were drawn out slowly, it was the truth - but it burned me to say it all the same. Yet, I continued. "I knew this would happen in the end." Did I dare? Yes. "I knew you wouldn't be happy unless you were hunting Voldemort."

Again, words that I thought would make it less painful only made me wince inside. But I had to be strong. This was something I knew only Harry could face, alone. Even though I knew alone meant with Ron and Hermione.

He could protect them. He couldn't protect me. Because he...loved me?

Harry and I were together, but he'd never said love - it was just holding hands, spending time together, and not to mention kissing. My heart squeezed then with the thought of it.

But he'd never said he loved me. Did he?

He was quiet for a time more and I could see that he was struggling with himself - just as I was. Then he got up. I pondered whether I should stop him - and found myself reaching for his arm, stopping him. He turned around and met my gaze.

"Do you love me?" I whispered.

I had never seen that look on Harry's face before - a torn one. "Please, Ginny, it's because I love you..." he trailed off as he shied away from my hand.

He turned again and walked away.

He wasn't looking, heading off in another direction probably trying to get away from the buzz that had become Dumbledore's funeral. I stood and headed toward the lake's edge away from the gathering, walking around people as I went, arms wrapped tightly around me as I continued on. My stomach was in knots - my heart spun into oblivion. I had to find out that the one person I had loved for five years loved me back, only to have him torn away from me?

I continued running away from the funeral, and along the edge of the lake.

Tears rolled down my cheeks.

* * *

Author's Note: First attempt at writing HP, and HarryGinny is my favorite all time couple. How'd I do? 


	2. Opaque

Author's Note: I'm back - by popular demand. 29 reviews in one day? Okay, I'm REALLY happy that that happened on this fic since I'm the craziest HG shipper there is out there. So anyway, I've decided to go ahead and write Bill and Fleur's wedding (as in the book Harry, Ron and Hermione said they wouldn't miss it even though they were leaving to go searching) and have a bit of HarryGinny sad fluff.

To answer a few questions brought up by reviewers, responses are at the end of the chapter.

* * *

Even though everything around me had seemed to be slowly slipping away; Harry, my brother's humour, Hermione's friendship, Bill getting married, Hogwarts...even my magical ability - I had to admit that I had done a good job enchanting our backyard for Bill and Fleur's wedding. So many spells used in such a short time did weaken me, but I didn't care. It was something for me to do, something to keep my mind off of Harry. 

Hermione had written to me a few days before the wedding explaining how her parents had gotten married, it had been a Muggle backyard wedding. And thanks to her advice, our backyard now looked like a spring paradise - in spite of my emotions that had run cold in me the past weeks. I never even acted how I really felt anymore. Since Dumbledore's funeral two months ago and Harry's goodbye, I'd remained, in everyone's eyes, the strong willed Weasley.

Even though I felt like curling up in my room and shutting out all of reality until I could know that Harry would be there again, with me.

It had taken me all last night - enchanting the garden, that is. A few chairs were clustered with a small aisle separating them, the edges of the aisle adorned with flowers. A gazebo (another one of Hermione's Muggle items explained in her letter), a sort of fenced in area with a wooden roof carved in patterns, was situated at the end of the aisle, plenty of ribbons and flowers decorating the white washed wood.

Everything was in Fleur's favorite colors, naturally; gold satin, her fancy name for yellow (because pink would clash with my hair color), lavender and azure, translation from Fleurish: blue.

_Bill couldn't have married a Brit?_ I thought wryly, knowing that I needed the lift in mood.

I looked over the backyard once more. I'd put up the illusion of a forest around the seating and beyond the aisle way that stretched to the limits of our backyard. It didn't look like a backyard anymore - it looked like the paradise I had promised Fleur for her wedding a week ago.

Now it was the morning of the wedding, and no one was up. I knew that because I hadn't slept all night - the sky was slowly changing to lighter shades of blue. My thoughts refused to stray away from the pang of regret I felt in my heart every time I thought about Bill and Fleur getting married. How she was going to marry him, though he would still fight in the Order and risk his life everyday, and how he still hadn't healed completely from his werewolf scars.

Phlegm - Fleur - loved my brother through and through, even if I found her annoying most of the time.

She was lucky to be getting a wedding as perfect as this, she was lucky to be getting married to the man she loved.

At least she got to _be_ with the man she loved.

* * *

My enchanted backyard had surprised when the guests (the ones not participating in the ceremony) took their seats. Fred and George had shown up, (in black dragon skin), Fred escorting an old schoolmate of his, Angelina Spinnet, and George with Katie Bell as his date. Remus and Tonks were also there, holding hands, whom every time I saw made me remember Harry, and how we had once been able to be together. 

Though I smiled when I saw Tonks's hair color - a neon shade of blue I knew would make Fleur annoyed. Charlie was also there with a woman I didn't recognize, and so were a few of Bill and Charlie's friends from Romania. Several members of the Order were in attendance as well, including Kingsley, Dawlish (believe it or not he and Bill had become friends while doing undercover work for the Order), and Professor McGonagall.

Gabrielle, Fleur's younger sister, and I were standing on one side of the gazebo, dressed in our gold satin dress robes while Harry and Ron stood opposite us, dressed in black robes. Gabrielle and I were Fleur's only bride's maids, I the Maid of Honor.

Bill had asked Ron to be his Best Man, with Harry as his other groomsmen. I knew that Bill had asked them so they could take their minds off everything else, and just enjoy the wedding.

Fleur looked even more beautiful in her lavender gown, her long silver hair flowing past her shoulders, and her sparkling crown atop her head, (made of course by the best, she had gotten her Goblin crown for her wedding.)

Harry had arrived the night before with my brother and Hermione. Everyone seemed unsure of the understanding Harry and I had come to two months before. All I told my family was that Harry needed to go after Voldemort, with Ron and Hermione - and that I understood he had to do this on his own, with the help of his two best friends.

To my relief they had not pushed the matter, though I think even with the appearance of me being fine with it Bill saw through my facade. And it was probably because he was so (to my annoyance) in love with Fleur, enough to recognize how much pain I was in because I loved Harry.

I hated that Bill could see that, and I loved him for not saying anything to anyone, or confronting me about it.

But now that Harry was back for the first time in two months, with the exception of a few letters from Hermione written in code (in case of interception), I don't think anyone knew what was going to happen between us.

I had put on a brave face at Dumbledore's funeral, and lived with the fact for two months that Harry, my brother, and Hermione were out there searching for the very definition of evil risking their lives. My heart couldn't hear those words from Harry's mouth a second time - I would buckle under my emotions - that I was sure of.

And my strength to remain the strong willed Weasley nearly slipped when I saw Harry walk out into the backyard, dressed in his black robes. He'd been gone for two months, though it seemed like he had aged two years. His green eyes, so piercing before, now seemed dull and tired. His hair was wind blown as ever, though his skin seemed paler.

And all this time what had I been doing? Chores around the house, legwork for the Order under Mum and Dad's orders, and just plain trying to force myself to remember that Harry had left me to protect me? Well, the first two had kept me occupied but when our eyes met across the aisle, as Bill and Fleur recited their vows, I felt naked as ever - unable to even shield a sliver of my emotions from him.

How did I know he could see right through me? Because I could see the pain, and fear, and knowing in his eyes as I knew he saw in mine.

Because I still loved Harry, and he still loved me.

Nothing had changed in two months. I had said I understood, but that was a lie. I had acted like we weren't saying goodbye, that we were only taking a break because he needed to sort some things out, things I knew risked his life, things I knew I would have faced with him if he had let me.

But he hadn't. Because he couldn't protect me. Anymore than I could protect him if it came down between choosing my life over his, and his over mine.

The sun had begun to rise over our towering house, illuminating the flowers even more in the brilliant light. I had spent hours enchanting our backyard so that Bill and Fleur would have a perfect wedding, and they had gotten it.

When I finally looked away from Harry, (countless tears still unshed inside of me), I saw Bill and Fleur kiss, sealing their fate, and lives, together forever.

* * *

"Zee backyard looked _wonderful_!" Fleur exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. We were all still in our dress robes and as Hermione had informed me, I'd become the hostess of the reception - which was being held in our own house, despite the size of it with our twenty guests. It had taken Bill almost three days to convince Fleur not to invite her _entire_ family. 

"I'm glad you liked it," I said, genuinely happy that her tone wasn't one that would be used with a child, but with someone more mature - I'd stopped calling her Phlegm in my mind and aloud. She gave me another smile, her entire face lighting up as she turned back to Bill to fawn over him some more. Some things would never change.

So far, I hadn't seen Harry yet, giving my tumbling emotions a rest for a moment, until I spotted Hermione walking over to me, she had something in her hand. I realized as she approached me that it was a sealed envelope.

"Really Ginny, the backyard looked wonderful, congratulations," Hermione said to me. Hermione had also changed, I noticed. Not in the same way as Harry, but she did look a little older then when I last saw her. Her eyes a little less bright.

Had two months changed them that much?

"Thank you," I replied, smiling even though I felt my chest twinge in the effort. Where was Harry? My stomach had been in knots with anxiety, or pain, (I hadn't been able to tell one from the other the past few weeks), but I still wanted to see him. Even if I couldn't talk to him like we used to talk with each other.

I glanced down at what Hermione was holding, she seemed to be stalling to say something. Finally, when she spoke, I wished she hadn't. Her smile weakened as she met my gaze again. "Look, Ginny, I know Harry would have loved-" I winced inwardly at the word, even coming from someone else used in a different way I still felt the pain in my chest "-to be here tonight," she handed me the envelope. "He said for me to give you this." After a moment she added, "I'm sorry."

Did she know what had happened between Harry and me? Had he told her what he said, had he told Ron?

I looked down at the parchment, remembering that I was the strong willed Weasley, not a heart pained, silly little girl in love like I felt.

_A love that can _never_ be until Voldemort is gone!_ I told myself.

"It's all right, he's probably just tired from the journey here," I answered lightly. Even now, after lying for so long I was surprised at how good I had become at covering up my emotions. I couldn't bury them, no, they still dug their way into my heart every time I thought of Harry. But I could mask them as if I'd been doing it all my life. Mask them from everyone, except for one person.

Hermione's expression fell slightly then she rested a hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you're okay, with all of this?" She asked me.

Again, I lied with a reassuring smile. "Really, Hermione. I'm okay," I answered.

* * *

I had been staring at the envelope for half the night - I still couldn't sleep. I wondered what would happen if I did read it, would I shed tears? Jinx the nearest object I could find? Scream in pain because of what Harry had to sacrifice? Leave the Burrow in hopes of running away from my problems? Go after Voldemort myself in blind rage? 

I didn't know what I would do - emotions as powerful as mine couldn't be rationalized. Emotions as powerful as love couldn't _ever_ be rationalized.

It was well into the early morning by now, and I hadn't slept for two days - but I felt as awake as ever. I had only seen Harry during the ceremony, but what I felt was enough to cause my heart to sink to the deepest low for a long time.

He, Ron and Hermione had left after the gathering, saying their farewells, though Hermione promised to keep writing whenever she could, which I knew would be rare.

Still. Those dulled green eyes were clear in memory as if I'd seen them a minute ago, and everything that I saw in them - all the change I saw - was what I think finally gave me the courage to open the envelope.

I recognized the familiar tilted handwriting at once.

_Dear Ginny,_

_You said you understood me when I told you that I had to leave, and that we couldn't be together anymore, and up until this morning I think only part of me knew the truth._

_You need to know that I only did what I did to protect you, and I know you well enough to have seen today that you accepted that. I have to believe that I made the right choice, leaving you behind in hopes that you wouldn't be involved in something that's been left unfinished for sixteen years. I have to believe this because for two months, maybe even longer, it has been what's keeping me from running away from the challenges that I know await me._

_Ron and Hermione are there for me, to help me, and they have, believe me. But it isn't the same, knowing that I had to leave you behind._

_This isn't goodbye, please know that. But don't wait if it means you stop living your life. I don't want to cause you more grief because of it, but I also couldn't find the courage to tell you in person, and for that I'm sorry. _

_I don't know how long I'll be gone, how long Ron, Hermione and I will be searching - but I will make one promise to you now._

_I will _never_ stop loving you._

_Always,_

_Harry_

He didn't have the courage to tell me in person. He didn't even have enough courage to say them right out to me at the funeral, I had to ask him first. He said he didn't want to cause me grief telling me his feelings in writing...

But if I could have channeled all the force of an Unforgivable Curse, endured the pain and then lived to remember it, it would not have compared to what I felt squeeze my heart as I read those words.

* * *

Author's Note: A continuance granted! I know that there was a LOT of Ginny thinking in here and not as much dialogue as before, but I've got confrontation and dialogue coming up. I've started plotting for a third chapter already (if you guys do want more) if Ginny used the summoning charm in her sleep without knowing it... 

But anyway, I'll do my best to answer questions below with respones. 'Til then, see you guys on the next update (hopefully!).

**PadawanMage:** I felt the same way, though I think JK was confined to only show Harry's POV. And there's more to read - enjoy the update!

**DHMC:** Thank you, glad to hear it.

**Wen1:** Continuation? Of course! I hope you enjoyed chapter two!

**Orla Potter:** I made someone cry? Horray! (You know, by having success and all.) I'm glad you got so into it!

**kazziedal:** Lol, I'm glad you loved it.

**holly:** I know what you mean, more Ginny feelings and reactions in the book would have been better.

**Nimbirosa:** Lol, I've actually heard that saying before. And I was going for the bittersweet exactly! Thanks for the review!

**lily:** It's cool, I've got friends who support different ships.

**XxLemurxX:** Here's more...I hope you liked it just as much!

**Lady Elenwen:** I'm glad you think so - enjoy the update!

**A Korny Mofo:** I'm glad that I almost got you - hopefully I'll suceed soon, lol. Thank you for the review!

**NShadows:** They will - and if they won't I'll just rewrite however much of the 7th HP book I have to so they DO end up together...lol.

**Lariren-Shadow:** It's okay if you can't tell - I wascrying too. Good to know I'm not the only one.

**xSTARxSHiNEBABY:** Glad you liked it that much - thank you!

**Brett A Longman:** I'm happy to hear that I was a swing vote in this! Please continue reading the HarryGinny ships - they really can be great, at least I think they are. Thank you for the glowing review - it really did make my day after having such a bad one. I hope you like this update if you decided to read it!

**Jubexchix:** I know what you mean, angsty Spiderman 2 scene to the max for me. Totally shipping for them still even though he might not be able to see her as much (or at all) in the 7th book. Thank you for the review!

**HeatherGranger13:** Thank you for the compliment!

**sakura13:** Thank you :)

**anti-thule:** Glad tohear it, thank you.

**Becka:** Yay! Sucess! Thank you, I'm glad you liked it - and don't worry, my HarryGinny muse hasn't left me alone since I finished the 6th book.

**UnfortunateKingdom:** I know what you mean - and I'm glad I did it some justice.

**Kim:** I will do my best - and thank you.

**GMUXMenSoaps:** I did see that at first, but I guess for me I want them to be together I pulled it this way - though I do agree that she may have felt differently in book canon.

**christopher i finks:** Continued! And thank you for the review!

**iriscristata:** Thank you! I'm glad I could portray those feelings in words :)

**Stu:** Less is more. Thank you for the review.

**Sarah Took:** Yay! More HG and RH shippers! You rock, and thank you.

**TragicFantasy:** (Just want to say I like your penname.) They really DO have to get back together - my friend and I have actually discussed tracking down Rowling in Scotland and asking her for the flat out couples in the last chapter, (though I think we would just be arrested and thrown into jail. And in a foreign country I don't think I'm willing to risk that just yet.)

**Sweet Temptations:** Thank you and I'll do my best to write more you ya!

**BlackRose:** I know what you mean, I sort of got some weird vibes like that in the 5th book but the 6th completely awakened my HarryGinny ship. Same here - no one should have to sacrifice THAT much.

**Adriane1:** I know what you mean - I'd probably crumble into pieces and then guilt Harry into taking me with him. But I think the reality I worked out fits a little better...and a Lavender story? Centered around Ron and Lavender you mean?

**nativewildmage:** I did enjoy my writing...and sort of pictured myself in the scene. I don't think that's healthy, but eh. Thank you for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

**And to A(n)nonymous:** I'm sorry that the summary ruined it for you but I did go to lengths so as not to mention Dumbledore's funeral like after the 5th book came out everyone's summaries read "After Sirius' death...". I put that there are spoilers and I'm sorry that my fic ruined it for you - but I will not change it.


	3. Alley

Author's Note: Needed to re-edit a few parts of this chapter, and take a few things out. Sorry for the mix up. So now that the wedding is taken care of, and the bittersweetness quota has been filled - moving on to chapter three. Ginny's actually going to be getting a bit of a break - sort of. Responses again are at the bottom again.

* * *

"_Immobulus!_" I aimed my wand at a scurrying gnome who tried dashing into a nearby bush.The gnome froze mid-stride in the air and felt flat to the ground on his face. 

Satisfaction forced a smile onto my face, even though my muscles were not use to the movement since I had not smiled, or talked for that matter, all day. Everyone I knew - everyone in the Order - was out doing legwork or spying or gathering information. Where was I? Stuck at the Burrow.

It was her way of saying she worried too much and didn't want me risking my neck since she already knew her other son was out there searching for Voldemort. But didn't she know leaving me alone to wallow (on the inside, of course) alone at the Burrow probably caused me more pain that setting my mind to a task that needed doing?

No, of course she didn't know that. No one knew that.

Because I was such a good liar...

"I wouldn't want to be on the other side of that wand," I heard a familiar oice from behind me. I turned around only to be met by a bright-eyed Tonks. Her hair was neon green today - she must have seen Remus.

I looked from her to the gnome, registering her comment then put my wand away. "Gnomes really get to me," I said.

Tonks laughed. "I should think so - I don't even think that poor guy would move his eyes!" She exclaimed. It was a compliment, but only made me wince thinking of all of Voldemort's enemies - had they even had a chance when they were on the other side of his wand? Had they even been given the luxury of a painless death? Of course not. Because Voldemort wasn't that kind of wizard. He was the kind of wizard I knew would not hesitate to kill Ron, Hermione, and especially Harry.

Holding back a wince - and a twinge - at the thought I turned my attention back to Tonks who was now standing next to the gnome poking it with her wand. She looked up at me. "Well, you'll be gnome free soon, at least for a while," she grinned. "We've got an assignment."

I stared at her. An assignment? With Tonks?

"What?" I asked.

"An assignment, you know - legwork dolled out by our superiors so we can learn to build character," Tonks exaggerated. Seeing my expression she added, "I just came from - er - other work,but now Kingsley has a new one for the both of us."

I couldn't help but feel a little lifted by Tonks morale, she was truly the one bright (at times literally) face that I saw at the Burrow, and someone who would always try to make me laugh, despite of what else was going on around in the Wizarding World. Tonks seemed genuinely happy to be working with me.

I nodded. "Okay, so what is it? Because I'm about fed up with gnomes to last me a lifetime." Trying for lightness seemed to work, because Tonks grinned.

"Kingsley needs information on some decoding spells," Tonks said. I wondered why he didn't just go himself but her next response answered that question. "He wants you and I to go to Knockturn since he's stuck in Spain at the moment and get the charms he needs to break them," she added.

"Knockturn?" I questioned.

Tonks's smile held. "Knockturn," she echoed.

* * *

We'd traveled by car to the pub where the entrance to Diagon Alley lay, but I still didn't now how we were going to blend in. Activity in both alleys had gone down immensely since Voldemort's return, and Dumbledore's death - but I knew that Tonks and I would still stick out like sore thumbs. 

Tonks tap the bricks and then as they moved to form a doorway, but she didn't walk through immediately.

I have to admit, I half-heartedly hoped that maybe Hermione, or Ron, was here getting supplies they maybe needed and that I could talk to them. I'd only seen my brother once in the past month, and even when I talked to him then he didn't seem likethe brother I knew. The same way Hermione didn't seem like the same person either - like in the past few weeks they had changed. I didn't know what caused the change.

All I knew was that I desperately wanted to help them.

Iwanted to help Harry.

Turning to me Tonks said, "Your hair's well known and I know my neon green won't help our case any." She tapped her forehead, muttering something and then without any flash or change her appearance instantly switched to that of an older aged wizard, looking to be about in her forties, with straight dark hair and pale skin. Her robes had changed to, now a deep shade of grey. Her eye color was the only thing that I recognized, though they were already a dark brown and would blend in easily.

I looked her over not knowing what charm she used. "That supposed to cover us up?" I asked.

Tonks nodded and then without warning tapped my forehead. I felt something like a soft pop inside of me - my appearance had changed just as hers. Because when I looked down I saw long straight dark brown hair over the front of my robes - my Weasley hair had vanished. My robes too had changed to black.

Tonks looked at me funny for a moment, as if trying to decide whether or not my appearance passed. "They won't question the charms if they can sense them, and I've put a lock on our them even if they try. Most Dark wizards like to lay low now, even when they're in their comfort zone." Tonks told me as she stepped through the doorway.

"If there is such a thing during times like these," I muttered.

She stopped, then turned back to look at me, an odd expression on her face. She said, "You may be the youngest of all of us, but I don't doubt you know the danger living in times like these." Ididn't know what to say to that, mainly because it was true. Hermione's letters were oft times not sugarcoated. Tonks nodded slowly, as if understanding something that was unsaid. "You do know, don't you, Ginny?" She asked quietly.

I looked down, trying to push back tears that were on the verge of forming. Then I realized where she was coming from, and how she knew. "Is that what it's like with you and Remus? Living like we have to and serving the Order?" I asked, a mere whisper.

Tonks smiled, a sad smile. "Yes," she said, "and no. I guess the thought of being with him is stronger than the thought of not being with him, regardless of what world we live in." Her eyes glittered in the faint light - it hurt her just to say the words.

Nodding, I stepped through the doorway and silently followed Tonks downDiagon Alley and into Knockturn, her words trailing through my mind as my heartbeat quickened in anticipation, and fear.

Was being with Harry better than the chance of never seeing him?

My heart lurched in my chest.

Could I be that selfish?

* * *

Tonks's words haunted me as we continued along the ghostly shops, both alleys were deserted. The few wizards that I saw walked at a brisk pace and close to the store windows. The air around us seemed to be filled with tension. The stores, once bright and welcoming, seemed tired and colorless in the afternoon glare of the sun. I watched in a daze as I continued walking next to Tonks. 

"Through here," Tonks whispered to me as we entered an even darker alley: Knockturn. My hand instinctively reached for my wand inside my robes as I continued down the way next to Tonks. I didn't care if we were cloaked by the power of an Auror, I would be ready for an attack.

Tonks stopped her walking when she came to a shop that looked particularly eerie. Cobwebs were its storefront displays, along with a few other artifacts. There was no sign hanging above the shop, unmarked.

"I'll get the charms and we'll leave. Wait out here," Tonks said in a low voice to me. She looked so different without her bright hair, and so much older. I nodded and watched as she entered the shop and then took a seat on one of the benches that lined the shop front.

My wand was at the ready inside my robes. There were a few more wizards in Knockturn, luckily none of them recognized us nor paid any mind to our presence. Another wizard entered the alley, I could see the entrance from where I sat. He continued down the line of shops until he came passed the one where I was sitting in front of and stopped. I don't think he meant to stop, but when I caught his gaze I froze.

Tattered and worn black robes, an unshaven face that looked to be about forty years old, short light brown hair - and unforgettable green eyes.

My breath hitched in my chest.

"Harry?"

* * *

Author's Note: Not much changed, an added conversation and a few parts got deleted or rewritten. Well, chapter four should be a bit more interesting now that the cliffy is a bit clearer. Things are going to pick up for Ginny - some sadness, but mainly angst and adventure including both Harry and Ginny follows. Let me know your thoughts! 

**Responses:**

**christopher i finks:** Well I changed it around a bit...not Remus. Thank you for the review!

**TragicFantasy:** It's going to pick up, like I said. I'm actually thinking about changing the genres to romance/adventure now that I've got a clear idea for a plot in my head. And yes, I couldn't do without having Tonks' humour in this chapter.

**SugarQuill Cutie:** Yes, this is going to be a long fic and it's all going to be from Ginny's POV. I may in the future have it in Harry's, but for now it's all Ginny. I'm glad you liked the first two chapters!

**Izzy G:** Glad you like it - and it may be long than just a few more chapters, I'm not sure yet. If I have time (which work does not permit much of) I'll take a look at your story, it's HarryGinny,right?

**Wen1:** Thanks for the review!

**Lariren-Shadow:** Sleep really is overrated, you get so much more done when you're awake. Thank you for reviewing.

**Final:** Update for you! And thanks for the review!

**MaxB88:** She's going to have someone soon, don't worry. And Tonks does help her through it a little. Though she's definitely gonna need to confide after this chapter, I'm sure. Thank you for the review!

**Luna Lovegood8:** You're review made me laugh, and I'm sure Ginny managed not to become sopping wet.

**Rogue:** Ships are gonna keep sailing in this fic, thank you for the review!

**ScRibBLrOfDrEaMs:** Thank you, I'm glad you got so into the fic and the letter, (I had about eight other versions written and finally decided on the one that I posted.) Thanks for reviewing!

**ILuvRavenclaw:** I'm glad you liked that part - could you maybe recommend some HG fluff for me? I'm a sucker for it...lol.

**GMUXMenSoaps:** Thanks for the review!

**Becka:** Glad to hear it - update for you!

**Sweet Temptations:** Yay! So happy ya like. Thanks for the review!

**Lady Elenwen:** Tears? Wow. Thank you! That's a huge compliment and it definitely will help me write more.


	4. Unspoken

Author's Note: It's been way too long, but I wrestled with myself over how to write the HarryGinny scene in this chapter – I hope it lives up to expectations. My only excuse is muse abandonment and homework for not updating sooner. But not that I've hit another plot twist, I've got chapter five already forming in my head, so hang in there.

And since responses to authors are apparently not allowed anymore (and I don't want this removed for that reason) if you want a response leave your email in a review and I'll reply. All right, since it has been so long, the last bit of chapter three for your recap convenience below. Enjoy.

**Recap:**

**Tattered and worn black robes, an unshaven face that looked to be about forty years old, short light brown hair - and unforgettable green eyes.**

**My breath hitched in my chest.**

**"Harry?" My voice barely audible.**

* * *

My first reaction was to give in to that whirling feeling that had clouded my head in those few seconds of recognizing Harry. I decided against it.

Harry - green eyes my only anchor to his true appearance - seemed just as shocked as I when he saw me. And suddenly Tonks' funny look she gave me before made sense: Harry had probably used the same spell, the only thing that couldn't be changed was the color of my eyes, and Harry's.

I turned around and peered through the shop window, Tonks was still searching for the charms we needed. Turning back around, Harry was still rooted to the same spot, an unreadable look on his face. I didn't know what to do - what _could_ I do? Harry had told me in his letter that he loved me - for the second time now - and had said that I couldn't get involved in what he was doing. For my own protection? Then what was he doing in Knockturn. What were the odds of him coming here the same time that Tonks and I had been given our assignment.

I stopped.

When did anything ever go _with_ the odds?

Coming out of his stupor, Harry walked over to me, took a hold of my elbow forcing me to stand. Without meeting my gaze he walked briskly, I following, and into a shadowed alleyway between two shops across the street. His hold on my arm was not comfortable, and I wondered only for a moment why he was treating me this way. We were in Knockturn. He probably didn't want to draw attention to us.

Letting go of my arm, Harry stepped between the opening of the alley and me, blocking me from view of the street.

Just his simple touch made me want to give in to my charade of having "moved on".

"What are you doing here?" His voice was deeper, demanding, no doubt due to the fact of his change in appearance. It wasn't the voice I remembered.

Doing my best to slow my racing thoughts, I said, "What are _you_ doing here?" My tone defensive.

Our first kiss surfaced in my memories, that day clear in my mind as the present.

Harry's face - his changed on anyway - softened a little bit. "Just answer my questions. It's important. Now, what are you doing here?" He asked again.

He wasn't going to leave me any time to ask him about how he was doing. I hoped for a moment that his tone of voice, his way talking to me now, was just a facade so he wouldn't have to deal with the bigger issues that concerned the two of us. I hoped, but then his words in that letter came back to be. He left to protect me, why was I so ready to disregard that and put his life in more danger?

He wasn't going to, so neither would I.

"Assignment from the Order. Tonks is with me," I said, my voice sounding hollow even to my own ears.

I wanted so to have green eyes look back at me again, seeing me beneath my mask.

The faint trace of doubt flickered in Harry's gaze as he continued to study me. "Tonks is here?" He rephrased my answer. Did he seem confused? Before I could register the expression, it disappeared, and I felt another tug in my chest.

The pull at my heart, and my head, just from being this close to Harry was already consuming my mind. Another three minutes and my mask would crumble. I knew it, and I couldn't let Harry see it. Voldemort was still alive, which meant Harry's life was devoted to destroying him alone.

"Yes, she's here. Look, I know how dangerous Knockturn is at the moment and I'm sure Tonks has gotten what she needs by now. I need to get back so she doesn't expect the worse." I was proud of my level tone, in a stomach-sickening sort of way. It wasn't control, it was running. Running from Harry.

And he seemed to know it too. Damn him.

Harry's expression changed from grim to questioning, as if he didn't trust me to tell the truth. After a moment he nodded, "Hedwig should be bringing by another letter in a few days." And with that he turned and left the alleyway, disappearing as he turned down the street, out of sight.

How long had it been since I last seen him?

It took at least a minimum of five minutes for me to settle my emotions again, not to mention control the shaking that had invaded my hands. Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself that I seeing Harry today was chance - at least I thought it was - and that any more than what had gone on would put both of us in danger. Danger that could be avoided if I could forget how many times I wished I could kiss him just once again. Danger that could be avoided if I could forget that I loved Harry, and only saw him as my brother's best friend.

That would never happen, the one thing I was sure of at that moment.

* * *

Tonks, as I had suspected, had thought something happened to me.

"Where were you?" She asked, her dark eyes scanning the alley around me as if to catch anything that might be out of place.

I debated with myself whether or not I should tell her that I saw Harry, and then I remembered that if Hermione sent a letter to the Order, she might mention that Harry had run into me. But would he tell Ron and Hermione? I didn't know. I didn't know anything! I hated the feeling of being hopeless. The assignment to go to Knockturn, I thought, would make me feel like I was doing something useful.

But I wasn't. I wasn't ever doing _anything_.

Unbidden, I felt my throat tighten with emotion, tears fighting their way to the surface. I swallowed, forbidding them to come through and spoke, deciding against lying.

"Nothing happened, Tonks, I'm all right." Okay, that was a lie. "Harry was here, I think he used the same charm as us..." at least that was the truth.

I had been expecting an expression of...relief? Surprise? Maybe annoyance at Harry being so reckless? No, that's not what I saw. I knew that the metamorphmagus wasn't any good at hiding her emotions, one thing we did not have in common I hoped.

Tonks' smile formed almost immediately, her eyes brightening.

At first, I wanted to join in, as hard as it was to see him again and not be able to kiss him, I was grateful that I was able to just see him. But then, I felt confusion. Why was Tonks smiling? Then annoyance.

"Why are you smiling? Do you think it's funny?" I whispered in a tone harsh enough for Tonks' smile to disappear.

She shook her head and then met my gaze again. "I'm sorry Ginny, it isn't that," Tonks said.

I raised an eyebrow, my energy already drained from my encounter with Harry. "Then what is it?" I demanded. It was easier acting annoyed and angry then collapsing my mask.

She was definitely not good at hiding her emotions. "It's like nothing," she lied, "Come on, we should leave before the charm wears off," she finished, whispering.

What?

"What?" I echoed my thoughts. "Are you telling me you could sprout your neon green hair back at _any_ moment?" I asked, output.

Tonks led me by the arm, walking at an almost jog up Knockturn Alley, pushing past a few dark wizards in her way. A few "What yourself" and grunts were heard along the way. I remained silent, choosing not to speak after seeing that Tonks was set on leaving the alley immediately, and already bumping into people that could most likely hex us the way to Timbuktu.

Only when we were on Diagon Alley again, under the overhang of an abandoned shop did she let go of my arm.

"Yes, the charm wears off," she answered my question. "The _anima_ charm can't be controlled like a hex or curse can, trade off of suppressing your true appearance." Tonks explained the function of the charm she used on the both of us to me.

That still didn't settle me any. "How long does it usually last-" I had begun to ask, but a whir of red hair encompassed my vision on both sides. "Bloody hair," I muttered to the brilliant shade that had been handed down to me, the legacy of any Weasley.

"Quite accurate," Tonks grinned, and a second later her dark brown hair was replaced with neon green spikes.

"Let's get back to the Burrow," Tonks said, resuming her walk at a slower pace up Diagon Alley. I followed, wondering if Harry had been able to get out of Knockturn or wherever he went before his charm wore off.

* * *

After Tonks and I got back from Knockturn, we surprisingly found Fred, George, Charlie _and_ Bill sitting at the table. Expression all around the table were grim, though Fred and George seemed…I couldn't name it, but they seemed different than Bill and Charlie, their expressions, I mean. Tonks muttered a hello and then headed up the stairs, probably to send the charms off to Kingsley. She cast a shrug at me, not knowing why all four of them were there either.

"Sit down, Ginny," Charlie began, pulling out a chair next to him. Fred and George were seated across from him, Bill at the head of the table.

I wondered _why_ all four of them were there as I took a seat, searching their expressions for any clues or indications. Nothing. They must have inherited that ability from the Weasley line as well.

Charlie exchanged glances with Bill, not saying anything. I looked from Fred to George, who seemed to be trying their hardest to remain indifferent. What was wrong with them? After a few moments of silence Bill pulled out a folded letter and slid it across the table to me.

Unfolding it slowly, I looked between my four brothers again before finally reading the scribbled handwriting.

_B.,_

_Your sister was in K.A. today, apparently with T. Just making sure they got back safely. She said K. gave them an assignment._

_H._

Pain was the first feeling: couldn't Harry even _write_ my name? He had to use pronouns..._Your sister_. Then it turned into anger. He didn't think Tonks and I could handle one assignment in Knockturn? I wasn't an inept witch, and Harry should've known that! What right did he have to inform _my_ brothers of _my_ whereabouts when he was the one that had–

Remember the pang? In the heart? I felt another one, sharper than before. I forced myself to finish my thought.

_...When _he_ was the one that had abandoned me._

When I looked up again, I knew that I had let my expression change with my feelings. Fred and George eased up slightly, showing empathy now mixed with something else. But Bill and Charlie's remained like stone.

Forcing my emotions to slow, I wrangled them and set my expression to one of a shrug. "Kingsley gave us the assignment, and we got back fine," I said, somewhat defensively.

George spoke first. "Gin, we're not trying to corner you, honest. But..." he trailed off.

"But what?" I demanded, annoyance growing.

"After we got the letter we contacted Kingsley...there was no assignment," Fred finished for his twin.

I did feel my mouth open in confusion, all other emotions fleeing. This made no sense. "There had to be. Tonks said..."

I stopped. Right there. Everything that had happened, all that I'd seen that day, slowly coming together to form the puzzle. The anima charm. Meeting Harry. Tonks' smile. And now, Fred and George's expressions: it was guilt.

Dropping the letter, I stood from my seat in the chair, pushing it back several feet in the process. I didn't wait for my brothers' reaction, but ran up the stairs. I found her, in the one guest room we had.

"Tonks!" I yelled.


End file.
